9.09.2006

A new attitude

There are some really interesting mixed reactions to our latest news. This can be seen at Nathan's guestbook. Essentially, there is no change in Nathan's disease since the relapse was found in June. Since then he has had two rounds of chemo, one of which we knew probably wasn't effective. I find the reactions pretty interesting. On one hand, I think there are some people that are probably "just getting it". This is really the first example of treatment that didn't knock the disease back. Also, I think perhaps writing that the doctor seriously told us that doing nothing was an option was a bit of a reality hit for some people. My emotions are clearly conflicted on this. It hit me a bit hard in the moment of hearing that the disease was basically the same, even though going in we knew that the point of the big shot of chemo we did was to keep the disease from progressing so that we had at least some treatment options available. So, was the news bad or good? I think for the people that haven't quite realized or let themselves believe that this disease will take Nathan's life, it was pretty bad. In the sense that we do have at least a couple of options on the table because he hadn't progressed, it was good. By any reasonable standard though, I suppose the news was bad. The cancer is there and it is "impressive". That just equals bad. It always will. It can be nothing but bad. I'm trying to have a new and improved attitude though. I think I'll feel better when we know for sure what the schedule to start a new treatment will be. Unfortunately that depends on some red tape around a clinical trial. Once it is all solid, I'll try on my new attitude. That is the one where I'm grateful to be able to do something that may prolong our time with Nathan.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll be one to confess, when I first stated reading Nathan's C.B. site last year I was expecting nothing but a total cure. As a parent, cancer taking a child's life wasn't real. As I kept up with your news, I was often frustrated for you that some of the doctors weren't in more of a hightened sense of urgency. It didn't occur to me at first how much of a monster NB is. Through time I started reading other NB stories, I mentioned before the one of Abigail in Florida - it really hit me then the reality of childhood cancer. People who have come to care for Nathan and your family via this forum are just here praying for you, and always hoping for the best.

Sondra
Ocala, FL

Jill O said...

I sometimes think my somewhat negative attitude leaves me a bigger window for pleasant surprise and hope. Some refer to me as pessimistic. I refer to myself as realistic. Realism leads to lesser disappoint and let down. Maybe that explains my relief to hear the cancer has not progressed. Although it would have been divine to hear of regression.
But in keeping with Sondra (above), I am always keeping my fingers crossed and my good vibes in motion for Nathan.

shadowfax said...

I like the positive interpretation best. Cancer is bad, and impressive cancer is Bad. But we knew that things were not good, so nothing has changed. There are still options -- and that's good.

And Nathan's here today and he's feeling OK, and that's good.

Love.

Will's Dad said...

Hoping you find it, yet again, to do what needs to be done today and then go to bed without regret.