Back in June I posted about Julia's concerns for Nathan. When she and I were driving home after dropping the rest of the family at the airport to head to NY to get the scans that would ultimately show his current "relapse", she dropped the "Sometimes kids die" bomb seemingly out of the blue. As noted in that post, when I asked her why she was thinking about that, she totally punted and said she "didn't know".
Well, as we were driving back from Denver yesterday after having dropped off the rest of the family to head to NY for Nathan's treatment, Julia says to me, "Sometimes kids die". Again I asked her why she was thinking about that. She gave me some story about cars sometimes hitting trees and hurting people. It is so hard to know how deep to go with the kids about serious issues. I tend to take their lead and go as far as they want/need to go. I think it is pretty clear that she is piecing it all together, but that she doesn't quite want to take the train of thought/conversation to its logical conclusion.
She has shown some other signs that could be coincidence, but may not be, along these lines. Apparently when we were away on our last trip she talked a lot about missing Lauren, but little or none about Nathan. Earlier this week she was listing members of our family and omitted Nathan (This one could easily be a coincidence. She doesn't always keep lists and things like that organized in her mind.).
I suppose it goes without saying that I have a lot of fear and concern about Julia. I worry about how our family's focus on Nathan impacts her emotionally and I worry about how it will impact her if we lose Nathan. So we just keep doing the best we can and will continue to do so. Sometimes our best isn't good enough. Trust me on that one. Sometimes our best isn't good enough.