Today, like many days, I can't help but ponder one of the toughest things about all of this for me. I think there is a bit of a paradox buried here, and like any paradox it is a bit difficult to wrap my head around. I have always said that the most important things to me were my relationships with family and friends. I'm pretty sure I always meant and felt that, but I clearly feel that so much more strongly now. These relationships and the very lives of the people that I have them with can be fleeting. That is just one of those very harsh realities of life. So I am acutely aware of how important people and my relationships are to me, but the area of my life that seems to be impacted the most adversely is exactly my relationships with those closest to me.
Every day everyone has to work at these things. Working on them with the weight of the stress, sadness, and grief over the loss of how I expected my life as a husband and father to be is very difficult.