We have strived to live as "normal" and "ordinary" a life as possible while fighting Nathan's cancer. I think we aim for the "ordinary" target for a variety of reasons. Some of them are selfish. I need to do normal, everyday things so that life isn't always about Nathan's illness. I think there is a solid argument too that Nathan, Julia, Lauren, Susan, and me deserve a bit of normalcy. And while there is so much ugly extra stuff going on like surgeries, chemo, radiation, bone marrow transplant, "pain", scans, bone marrow aspirations, and etc, it almost seems noble to say, "Through it all we just try to provide Nathan and our family with as normal a daily routine as possible".
Is ordinary good enough though? As much as we may strive for ordinary and normal, Nathan is special. Sure, all kids are special. Nathan is extra special. There is no getting around it. More than that though, do we owe him more? Specifically, if he may not be with us very long, should we not strive to provide him with an extraordinary life experience and not an ordinary one?
I think we strike the right balance and I think it is right to fall on the side of "ordinary" because I just don't think I could handle focusing on doing more or providing more to Nathan than we normally would because to do so would be not only to acknowledge that he may die from this illness, but it would feel in a way like giving up hope that he may not. I'm not ready to live like he is dying, because he isn't. But sometimes I can't help but feel like maybe we should be giving him more because he may be.