People talk about "the stages of grief". The most well-know model is probably that known as the Kubler-Ross model. I don't actually know too much about the model. I do know that labeling things as "stages" seems to imply an ordered progression through grief. That isn't at all what it is really like, of course. I can identify with some of the things labeled as stages, but there is no progression. And, for me at least, I jump all over the place and revisit many "places" I have already been.
Currently I'm experiencing something that I can only explain as panic attacks. Most of the time there isn't anything specific I'm tense about. I'll just be going about my business and my heart will begin to race, my stomach will turn over like people describe as butterflies and I'll feel something like extreme tension that comes from stress. It is like nerves leading up to public speaking multiplied by 1000. Sometimes it just comes on out of nowhere, but when that is happening I can be sure that uncomfortable work situations or other interactions (with family or otherwise) will set it off. I felt this way for about 2 weeks last month and then it went away. Now it is back. And it sucks. Big time.
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I had what I think were similar attacks or spells during a personal crisis a couple years ago. I might be sitting at my desk at work, heart pounding, hands shaking, in danger of hyperventilating and passing out. I couldn't move, but it wouldn't stop until I did. If I could make myself get up and walk it might help. Counting breaths helped not pass out. It's not something you can talk yourself out of. Sucks.
I have been having these off and on all year. I gave up coffee for a long time, because my heart was constantly racing. Even when I wasn't having an actual full blown attack my heart race was fast and my chest hurt. Every time I went to the doctor for a check up they would mention my heart rate. Monitoring my breathing helped me as well as taking a quick walk around the block. I have been lucky enough to have a couple good friends who usually talk me through it if I let them know what is happening.
Rubber bands on my wrist help a bit - snap whenever an attack is imminent or attempt to snap so you have something to focus on.
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