Nathan has been very uncomfortable the last two days. We can't and wouldn't want to let him suffer, so we give the pain meds pretty freely when he hurts. It has knocked him out, but eased his pain and comforted him some. I can't describe how terrible it is to have him just asleep upstairs while we go on about our business (our business of mostly being emotionally unstable and trying to just get through with the girls). It is this horribly strange situation. He lays upstairs unable to be an active part of the family without being in terrible pain. The pain and sleep steal precious time. Its like he is halfway gone already on those days. Every day, hour, minute, second...the cancer marches on. He gets thinner and thinner. It breaks my heart every time I pick him up to carry him to a new position or to the bathroom and I realize how he is becoming easier to carry as he sheds pounds.
There are still the smiles on the good days. We could sure use one of those again soon. And even on the bad days there are still the quiet and insightful remarks that are Nathan's trademark. Perhaps we can get a handle on what is causing this increased pain and get him comfortable and somewhat active again. That is my current hope and prayer.
I don't want to have to miss him already, but its hard not to as he lays asleep in his room.
