I am so happy for and so jealous of the cancer parents that are winning their battles and spending time with their precious children.

I wouldn't have it any other way and there is a part of me that rejoices for them. Their joy doesn't make me sad. But the awareness of their joy seems to sharpen my pain at times.

Julia (8) recently expressed to Susan that she would be happy if childhood cancer was cured, but that it would make her a little sad too...sad that the cure wasn't found in time for Nathan. I wasn't there, but it seemed that she felt that there might be something wrong about feeling sad about something so wonderful. There isn't. It is just how it is.


Anonymous said...

This is the first time I have run across your blog. Words fail me. You express your grief so eloquently, I have nothing to add except that you and your family will have my prayers tonight. You were blessed with a wonderful boy, and it would be insane for you not to have the feelings you do. Don't feel guilty or ashamed of them; they are a reflection of your love for him. All who love you know that transient feelings of jealousy are no reflection on you as a person. May you continue to love and be loved.

Kyle Alfriend said...

I just came across your blog. I am very sorry for your loss.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. It is only through awareness that we can get the needed resources to end childhood cancer.

Anonymous said...

My brother, Andrew, died when he was 8. Thanks for leaving these post. They are so helpful to me.

my blog